What have I learned from IVF?

Today I wanted to share some wisdom I’ve gained from my experience...

1. I have minimal control over the ultimate outcome, but some things I can control in the IVF process include:

• Keeping a positive attitude
• Being kind, considerate and showing my gratitude to others
• Take my meds, as prescribed
• Trust the professionals – no matter how much I doubt their directions or advice

 2. Being in “ignorant bliss” is sometimes the very best place to be. Live in the moment.

With the internet and a wealth of information at our fingertips I was always trying to predict my future. For example, as soon as I got the call from my nurse with my beta numbers, I jumped online to check the beta board. When my nurse told me they changed their policy and now only take two betas, I was upset because I wanted “the numbers” to prove everything was ok.

Looking back, would having more HCG tests have changed my reality? No. But one very possible outcome would have been to see the number not increase as fast as I would have preferred, or even drop – both of which would have put me in a panicked tailspin.

Seeing our babies heartbeats for the first time was one of the most miraculous moments of my lifetime. It was a place we’ve never been before and a moment I could have stayed in forever. For the next two weeks, I just wanted to stay right where I was and not go for another ultrasound. I just wanted to assume everything would be wonderful. I now have that experience permanently burned in my mind and it reminds me to appreciate and savor the moment.

3. It’s only money. We’re changing our lives.

During the process, when I asked my husband how he can rationalize the huge piles of money we were spending on IVF he said to me “Yes, we can take some nice vacations and buy a nice car, but in the big picture, this money isn’t going to change the way we live. Having children is something we’re going to have the rest of our lives. We can always make more money, but we can’t change history.”

4. This is MY journey. Trust myself.

As much as I sometimes want to compare experiences to other women, this is MY life and “our” pregnancy. I have given myself permission to form my own opinions and the option to follow or respectfully ignore other people’s advice.

My life is about to go through monumental changes and on a daily basis I am going to be faced with more decisions than I ever have in my life - some tiny and some significant.

One day, I had an epiphany – my Dad and Mom both did (and still do) the best they know how. Ever since this hit me like a pile of bricks, I have had a much different relationship with them. They still offer me their input constantly, but I am ultimately the one standing at the easel with the paintbrush in my hand who gets to “paint my life” and make my own creation!

Looking back, I had to make a BOATLOAD of decisions along our IVF journey. Know what? I did it and look at “us” today!

5. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.

Long before I could ever imagine having children, I was talking to a co-worker who had a baby and was going on a business trip. I said to her “Tina, you are going to leave baby C with your husband for five days? Doesn’t that make you nervous?” She said to me, “Let’s think about it – pizza has vegetables, wheat, cheese – it’s not the worst meal in the world. So, he’s a little dirtier than I prefer when I get home? No problem, I take him into the shower with me when I get home and we have fun making hairstyles from bubbles. He stays up a little later than his bedtime and is cranky? Guess what - he’s not playing in the Super Bowl nor making any Supreme Court Decisions the next day.” I don’t think Tina realized it, but that one three-minute conversation changed my life.

A couple weeks ago I asked my husband to pick our pediatrician. Yes – the kid’s doctor is going to be a critical part of our team. But you know what? If we agree that we don’t like our pediatrician, we can change our minds. Small stuff...