As I think some of you know already, I've been in New York the last week attending to family matters..
My relative did pass on Saturday night and I flew in to attend the funeral. It's disappointing that he gave us a gift in December to help us out and he won't ever get to see the legacy he's going to leave by helping us start our family. I don't understand the circle of life - why couldn't he have lived to meet our child? My mom said it best during the eulogy - he lived 93 years and it wasn't long enough.
Due to the snowstorm in Manhattan, I was delayed a day and my ultrasound was rescheduled for today. It was one of those Murphy's Law kind of experiences.
They were looking for my lining to be less than 7mm and it turned out to be 10mm. In addition, the ultrasound tech saw what looked like polyps coming back. So, even though I had a hysteroscopy less than a month ago and "everything looked great" - my uterus has basically gone to hell yet again. I will speak to the nurse on Monday, but at this point I am very discouraged.
On one hand, we already allocated money to our FSA account to cover the cost of 1-2 frozen cycles this year - so if we don't spend the $$, we'll lose it. On the other hand, if I have another D&C, I'll have to wait 3 more months to heal and there's no guarantee that my uterus and lining will cooperate and that the scar tissue and polyps won't get in the way or crop up again in May. It's so hard to know what to do.
I asked if, given my history, they'd ever consider transferring more than two embryos and the nurse said that in very rare circumstances, like mine, they might consider transferring three. I'll have to wait for Monday to see what they say.
On the Adoption Front...
Our profile books arrived on Friday and they look great! Our references told us they received paperwork to complete and two of three returned it already.
We have our first home study interview this Thursday. All-in-all, pretty exciting stuff!
More Details on My Trip to NY...
I stayed with my husband's cousin and his wife - who happen to have bought a beautiful English-style Tudor home one block from where my mom grew up (and in the same hometown where I was raised). It was wonderful spending time with them since I see them so rarely. They have been going through infertility too - and have basically taken a long (maybe permanent?) break. In the meantime, they added a goldendoodle to their family who recently turned one-year-old. Their dog is adorable...
By coincidence, I call my male dog "mush" because he is just like a big, fluffy, living stuffed animal who will snuggle with you and not move a muscle for hours. Without having told them that this is my nickname for my dog, they ended up using the same exact nickname...and he is certainly a mush too (only twice as big as my dog - and my dog is large).
The funeral was nice. Despite the cold and snow, many people made the treck to say "goodbye". I saw family I haven't seen in many, many years.
After the funeral, I returned to spend a couple of days in Manhattan with my Mom (who flew in for the funeral), sister, brother-in-law and our one-year-old nephew.
Due to the distance, I haven't really spent any considerable time with my nephew, so this was a good chance to get to know him. My sister and her husband both work high-power jobs, so my nephew spends most of his time with an amazing nanny. I never would have believed it unless I saw it with my own two eyes, but the entire four days I was visiting, my nephew cried less than one minute total. He is a very, very happy baby and so well-behaved. He even had a lingering cold, and still wasn't cranky. Spending this time with them has taught me that when our children arrive, it's going to be extremely important to keep them on a schedule.
He isn't talking yet, but it's very clear that he fully uunderstands what you're saying. If you ask him to get a book, he'll go to his room and retrieve a book. If he's sitting on the window ledge and you say "feet first," he'll turn around and climb down with his feet first. If he's playing with a puzzle and you say "green turtle" or "gold fish", he'll pick up the correct piece and put it in it's place (yes, he's only 14-months).
I also got to see two Broadway shows - Spiderman, which I thought was overrated, and Driving Miss Daisy (with Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones) which was incredible. To see these two legends together was a once-in-a lifetime experience. I wish it could have gone on and on and on...
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Where does the time go?
Hard to believe almost a week has gone by since my last post! Thanks again to all of you who posted comments.
Had a fun weekend so far. Went for a pretty 5.5 mile walk around a local reservoir. Toward the end of the hike, we took a wrong turn and got caught in a blizzard - but within 20 minutes, it was sunny and beautiful again. That's what they say about the weather here - give it 10 minutes and it'll change. So true...
Later, we went to see "The Social Network." Interesting and entertaining...
Last week was one of the longest, shortest weeks ever. We had Monday off, but it felt like an eight-day workweek.
In addition to all my regular day-to-day and monthly routine work, I had two major projects to manage. Every quarter, I do all the preparation around a call our CEO does with our advisors. Each call requires me to assemble the executive team (a small feat in itself) to agree on the agenda topics, create a slide show around the talking points, have my CEO rip it apart several times and build it back up, coordinate all the logistics - telephone lines, invites, multiple announcements and reminders to invitees, etc. In a nutshell, each call is a major undertaking.
I also had to manage a project to roll out a referral bonus program to our field within 2 of our divisions. Since each division runs a little differently, the logistics were different for each. Coordinating tasks and people is often like herding cats. Fortunately, so far, it's gone off without a hitch.
Between these two projects, there was a major mailing done at work to about 50,000 clients. Whomever did the mailing, messed up royally - some letters listed the wrong advisor completely and all the letters listed the advisor's home contact information instead of their office - so they were getting calls all weekend. As you might imagine, they were quite upset and we certainly heard about it Tuesday morning. This was the second major mailing that this group had a major error on in three months (only this time, it's costing us much more because I think we're going to have to offer credit monitoring to everyone). Since I am the "go to" girl when screw-ups like this happen, I was pulled in to do some of the "fix it" work.
On one hand, I am glad that I am considered valuable to the company, but on the other hand, I am still one person and can't do it all.
OK - I am finished standing on my soapbox for awhile...
In other news, the relative I mentioned a few weeks ago has been moved to a hospice facility and is hours to days away from dying - so I am headed to the northeast tomorrow to spend a week to say my "goodbyes" and, depending on the timing, attend the funeral. Hope it warms up...
As for the adoption, things are moving forward at a rapid pace. I ordered copies of the book last week and they should arrive on Friday! Our coordinator called and set up our first home study for February 5th. I am not sure how soon after this meeting she can start showing our profile book, but I hope it's soon.
We also attended another week of foster care training. This was actually the best week yet. They showed us a video of two older kids who grew up in the system and it actually has me almost reconsidering if we should consider a foster child. (I'm not 100% convinced - so don't jump to any conclusions yet).
One girl was almost 18 and was about to age out of the system. After hearing how foster care saved the life of her and her sisters, it was an inspiring story. She seems like a responsible, well-adjusted young lady whom, I have confidence, will go on to have a successful adulthood. The second guy told a story of how his birth parents basically abandoned him and he ended up in a foster group home (a home where the parents have had special training and foster many kids at the same time). It was made very clear to him that he was only there for the paycheck and he was on his own after he turned 18. Shortly after his 18th birthday, he had an accident where he cut his leg and needed stitches. Since he didn't have anyone to turn to and knew he couldn't afford an ambulance, he walked a couple miles back to his former foster dad's home and asked for a ride to the hospital. His former foster dad told him how it would have been too much trouble to load all 9 children into the van to take him to the hospital - so the kid quickly realized he didn't have anyone he could depend on. In the end, he graduated college and now works as an IT administrator for the United Way. It was a very inspiring story. I can't even begin to imagine how my life would have been so different if I didn't have family to depend upon. I also know that me and my husband could provide a stable, long-term family.
On the IVF front, my AF surprised me with an early appearance. Therefore, I need to be back here on Friday to go in for an U/S. If my lining is less than 7mm, they will set me up on a new calendar with a tentative transfer in very late February / early March. If it's not, I get a "bonus" D&C and get to wait 3 more months.
Ahh...the trials and tribulations...
Had a fun weekend so far. Went for a pretty 5.5 mile walk around a local reservoir. Toward the end of the hike, we took a wrong turn and got caught in a blizzard - but within 20 minutes, it was sunny and beautiful again. That's what they say about the weather here - give it 10 minutes and it'll change. So true...
Later, we went to see "The Social Network." Interesting and entertaining...
Last week was one of the longest, shortest weeks ever. We had Monday off, but it felt like an eight-day workweek.
In addition to all my regular day-to-day and monthly routine work, I had two major projects to manage. Every quarter, I do all the preparation around a call our CEO does with our advisors. Each call requires me to assemble the executive team (a small feat in itself) to agree on the agenda topics, create a slide show around the talking points, have my CEO rip it apart several times and build it back up, coordinate all the logistics - telephone lines, invites, multiple announcements and reminders to invitees, etc. In a nutshell, each call is a major undertaking.
I also had to manage a project to roll out a referral bonus program to our field within 2 of our divisions. Since each division runs a little differently, the logistics were different for each. Coordinating tasks and people is often like herding cats. Fortunately, so far, it's gone off without a hitch.
Between these two projects, there was a major mailing done at work to about 50,000 clients. Whomever did the mailing, messed up royally - some letters listed the wrong advisor completely and all the letters listed the advisor's home contact information instead of their office - so they were getting calls all weekend. As you might imagine, they were quite upset and we certainly heard about it Tuesday morning. This was the second major mailing that this group had a major error on in three months (only this time, it's costing us much more because I think we're going to have to offer credit monitoring to everyone). Since I am the "go to" girl when screw-ups like this happen, I was pulled in to do some of the "fix it" work.
On one hand, I am glad that I am considered valuable to the company, but on the other hand, I am still one person and can't do it all.
OK - I am finished standing on my soapbox for awhile...
In other news, the relative I mentioned a few weeks ago has been moved to a hospice facility and is hours to days away from dying - so I am headed to the northeast tomorrow to spend a week to say my "goodbyes" and, depending on the timing, attend the funeral. Hope it warms up...
As for the adoption, things are moving forward at a rapid pace. I ordered copies of the book last week and they should arrive on Friday! Our coordinator called and set up our first home study for February 5th. I am not sure how soon after this meeting she can start showing our profile book, but I hope it's soon.
We also attended another week of foster care training. This was actually the best week yet. They showed us a video of two older kids who grew up in the system and it actually has me almost reconsidering if we should consider a foster child. (I'm not 100% convinced - so don't jump to any conclusions yet).
One girl was almost 18 and was about to age out of the system. After hearing how foster care saved the life of her and her sisters, it was an inspiring story. She seems like a responsible, well-adjusted young lady whom, I have confidence, will go on to have a successful adulthood. The second guy told a story of how his birth parents basically abandoned him and he ended up in a foster group home (a home where the parents have had special training and foster many kids at the same time). It was made very clear to him that he was only there for the paycheck and he was on his own after he turned 18. Shortly after his 18th birthday, he had an accident where he cut his leg and needed stitches. Since he didn't have anyone to turn to and knew he couldn't afford an ambulance, he walked a couple miles back to his former foster dad's home and asked for a ride to the hospital. His former foster dad told him how it would have been too much trouble to load all 9 children into the van to take him to the hospital - so the kid quickly realized he didn't have anyone he could depend on. In the end, he graduated college and now works as an IT administrator for the United Way. It was a very inspiring story. I can't even begin to imagine how my life would have been so different if I didn't have family to depend upon. I also know that me and my husband could provide a stable, long-term family.
On the IVF front, my AF surprised me with an early appearance. Therefore, I need to be back here on Friday to go in for an U/S. If my lining is less than 7mm, they will set me up on a new calendar with a tentative transfer in very late February / early March. If it's not, I get a "bonus" D&C and get to wait 3 more months.
Ahh...the trials and tribulations...
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Book - Would love your feedback...
It's a good thing that we are in the throws of getting our adoption paperwork all in-order. It's taken my mind completely off of the IVF stuff and our recent minor setback.
This weekend, I concentrated on getting our adoption profile book finished. My good friend's mother, who loves taking pictures as a hobby and owns top-of-the-line equipment, agreed to do a photo shoot for us - provided she gets to be an honorary grandma when our baby finally arrives. For four hours on Saturday, she followed us around snapping photos. Since neither of us likes getting our picture taken - nor are we in the best shape - it was uncomfortable. But, we survived and she took several photos that we used in the book.
What is the purpose of the book? Well, once a birth mother decides to pursue adoption for her unborn child, our agency will show her a questionnaire three couples completed about themselves, each other and their values. They are also shown three profile books and asked to select an adoptive couple based on this information. Occasionally, the birth mother may ask to see additional profiles, but for the most part, she chooses from among the three initial couples presented to her.
I never realized how difficult it is to talk about yourself - especially when you are competing against many high-achieving couples who are also looking to adopt.
Now that it is nearly complete, it just makes me once again appreciate all the good I have in my life and more confident about the wonderful life we will give the child lucky enough to find us as their parents.
I am planning to place my book order on Wednesday - so if you have any feedback, please leave a comment. Please be candid (I promise you won't hurt our feelings). We are very close to the process and might have omitted or included something that may be misunderstood.
Thanks for your honesty! Enjoy!
http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/all/jamie-and-steve-intro-5115995
This weekend, I concentrated on getting our adoption profile book finished. My good friend's mother, who loves taking pictures as a hobby and owns top-of-the-line equipment, agreed to do a photo shoot for us - provided she gets to be an honorary grandma when our baby finally arrives. For four hours on Saturday, she followed us around snapping photos. Since neither of us likes getting our picture taken - nor are we in the best shape - it was uncomfortable. But, we survived and she took several photos that we used in the book.
What is the purpose of the book? Well, once a birth mother decides to pursue adoption for her unborn child, our agency will show her a questionnaire three couples completed about themselves, each other and their values. They are also shown three profile books and asked to select an adoptive couple based on this information. Occasionally, the birth mother may ask to see additional profiles, but for the most part, she chooses from among the three initial couples presented to her.
I never realized how difficult it is to talk about yourself - especially when you are competing against many high-achieving couples who are also looking to adopt.
Now that it is nearly complete, it just makes me once again appreciate all the good I have in my life and more confident about the wonderful life we will give the child lucky enough to find us as their parents.
I am planning to place my book order on Wednesday - so if you have any feedback, please leave a comment. Please be candid (I promise you won't hurt our feelings). We are very close to the process and might have omitted or included something that may be misunderstood.
Thanks for your honesty! Enjoy!
http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/all/jamie-and-steve-intro-5115995
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm Really the Caboose...
As some of you know, I am active in a message board with a small group of about six girls who are cycling at the same clinic as me. These girls have been amazing and I feel lucky to have connected with them. Right now, everyone of them is pregnant and I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am...the road has been long and difficult for each and every one of them. The last girl had her FET earlier this week, and I have no doubt whatsoever that she will be showing a baby bump in no time flat!
As for me, I am, as they say, "bringing up the rear." My cycle was canceled today...
Apparently, at 17 mm, my lining was too thick and the doctor feels that if this is really the last time I am going to go through this, he wants everything to be perfect (which makes me wonder what he would have said to a woman in my same position if she hadn't told him this was her last time cycling).
Am I disappointed? I would be lying if I said I wasn't - but we've waited so long, what's another month. Also, having submitted our adoption paperwork really has me excited.
What makes me the most nervous is the future plans...
It's going to take about 2 weeks to force me to have a period. On CD 5, they are going to do blood work and perform an U/S. If my lining is >7mm at this time, I may have to undergo another D&C.
So, if you can put any good vibes into the universe, please wish that my lining cooperates next month.
On a more positive note, a good friend's mother who is an excellent photographer, has agreed to take pictures for us tomorrow for our adoption book. It's been a long time since we've had our picture taken, so I am actually looking forward to it! Even made an appointment to have my make-up done (which I never, ever do).
As for me, I am, as they say, "bringing up the rear." My cycle was canceled today...
Apparently, at 17 mm, my lining was too thick and the doctor feels that if this is really the last time I am going to go through this, he wants everything to be perfect (which makes me wonder what he would have said to a woman in my same position if she hadn't told him this was her last time cycling).
Am I disappointed? I would be lying if I said I wasn't - but we've waited so long, what's another month. Also, having submitted our adoption paperwork really has me excited.
What makes me the most nervous is the future plans...
It's going to take about 2 weeks to force me to have a period. On CD 5, they are going to do blood work and perform an U/S. If my lining is >7mm at this time, I may have to undergo another D&C.
So, if you can put any good vibes into the universe, please wish that my lining cooperates next month.
On a more positive note, a good friend's mother who is an excellent photographer, has agreed to take pictures for us tomorrow for our adoption book. It's been a long time since we've had our picture taken, so I am actually looking forward to it! Even made an appointment to have my make-up done (which I never, ever do).
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'm Angry - When A Child Does Not Belong With It's Birthparents... (Warning: M/C Mentioned - and I may offend you...)
Back in December, my husband and I attended an orientation session for our county's foster care system. This led us to enroll in the program to attend the training and potentially become foster parents.
From the get-go, I told my husband that it would have to be a very, very special situation for us to take a foster care infant or toddler into our home. I admire the people who have the time, patience, and resources to care for a child that's been neglected, abused, etc. - but I do not want to start our family through such precarious circumstances. My husband understands, but convinced me that attending the training would be good for us - and I agreed. So far, they've drilled into us - "It's all about the child, it's all about the child, it's all about the child."
Last night's session was about the disruption and pain children face when they are moved from home-to-home.
The training is led by a married woman named Jill who suffered through infertility, had a newborn named Sebastian brought to her home and, eventually, the newborn was returned to his father. When Jill and her husband accepted Sebastian into their home, they were told that the chances for adoption were excellent - as the parents already had their older daughter taken away and put up for adoption.
Last night the birthfather (Aaron) came to speak...
He talked about how he was one of three boys raised in a middle-class household where drugs and alcohol were the choice to cope and it didn't take long before he fell into that lifestyle too (translation: we all have choices. No one forced the drugs into his body - he "chose" that lifestyle). He left his own family and lived on his own stating when he was 14 and struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for many years.
When he turned 19, he had his first daughter out of wedlock (Hannah) with a drug-addicted girl. When the birthmother delivered Hannah in the hospital, she tested positive for drugs and the baby was immediately put up for adoption.
Aaron and this girl continued their relationship and thought having another baby would solve their problems - so they did. The birthmother tested positive for meth in the hospital and this is when Sebastian was put into the care of Jill and her husband.
For about a year, Aaron went through the county programs and met the requirements to regain custody of Sebastian. It wasn't long before he was back into the drugs and alcohol. Neighbors called, but Aaron was able to flush his body enough to pass the drug tests each time. One day, he didn't pass the drug tests and Sebastian was taken from him again. Instead of returning to Jill and her husband, Aaron's mother agreed to take custody.
Aaron moved from Colorado to Montana, but continued with the drugs and alcohol. One day,. he was driving drunk and caused an accident that nearly killed him and his best friend. This was his wake-up call to finally get clean and sober. He spent seven months in a rehab program and Sebastian was returned to him again. Aaron now speaks at these classes to show that a parent can be rehabilitated.
Last night was his one-year anniversary of his graduation from the rehab program. Jill and Aaron have kept a close relationship. They were hugging and the entire class was having a love-fest party celebrating the occasion. I sat there in stunned silence wanting to scream out at everyone around me - how can you celebrate this?!!! You took this child, tore him away from the only parents he knew as a newborn baby, and put him in the hands of a young, single father who needed to nearly kill himself to give half a damn? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
While I am sure most people would have found Aaron's story inspirational, my blood was boiling and I wanted to pinch Aaron's head off. Let's face it. In this case, Aaron was nothing more than a sperm donor who could produce children.Was it really in the best interest for him remove his child from a stable, loving, two-parent household who could have given Sebastian a wonderful life? No!!!
I wish that he understood one minuscule fraction of what a person like me any my husband have been through to have a child. The shots, the mood swings, the headaches, the feeling crappy - all to see it end in another heartbreaking scenario where the surgeon has to scrape my uterus, yet again...
Foster parents should have to take infertility sensitivity training - maybe then some of them would realize "It is all about the child."
From the get-go, I told my husband that it would have to be a very, very special situation for us to take a foster care infant or toddler into our home. I admire the people who have the time, patience, and resources to care for a child that's been neglected, abused, etc. - but I do not want to start our family through such precarious circumstances. My husband understands, but convinced me that attending the training would be good for us - and I agreed. So far, they've drilled into us - "It's all about the child, it's all about the child, it's all about the child."
Last night's session was about the disruption and pain children face when they are moved from home-to-home.
The training is led by a married woman named Jill who suffered through infertility, had a newborn named Sebastian brought to her home and, eventually, the newborn was returned to his father. When Jill and her husband accepted Sebastian into their home, they were told that the chances for adoption were excellent - as the parents already had their older daughter taken away and put up for adoption.
Last night the birthfather (Aaron) came to speak...
He talked about how he was one of three boys raised in a middle-class household where drugs and alcohol were the choice to cope and it didn't take long before he fell into that lifestyle too (translation: we all have choices. No one forced the drugs into his body - he "chose" that lifestyle). He left his own family and lived on his own stating when he was 14 and struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for many years.
When he turned 19, he had his first daughter out of wedlock (Hannah) with a drug-addicted girl. When the birthmother delivered Hannah in the hospital, she tested positive for drugs and the baby was immediately put up for adoption.
Aaron and this girl continued their relationship and thought having another baby would solve their problems - so they did. The birthmother tested positive for meth in the hospital and this is when Sebastian was put into the care of Jill and her husband.
For about a year, Aaron went through the county programs and met the requirements to regain custody of Sebastian. It wasn't long before he was back into the drugs and alcohol. Neighbors called, but Aaron was able to flush his body enough to pass the drug tests each time. One day, he didn't pass the drug tests and Sebastian was taken from him again. Instead of returning to Jill and her husband, Aaron's mother agreed to take custody.
Aaron moved from Colorado to Montana, but continued with the drugs and alcohol. One day,. he was driving drunk and caused an accident that nearly killed him and his best friend. This was his wake-up call to finally get clean and sober. He spent seven months in a rehab program and Sebastian was returned to him again. Aaron now speaks at these classes to show that a parent can be rehabilitated.
Last night was his one-year anniversary of his graduation from the rehab program. Jill and Aaron have kept a close relationship. They were hugging and the entire class was having a love-fest party celebrating the occasion. I sat there in stunned silence wanting to scream out at everyone around me - how can you celebrate this?!!! You took this child, tore him away from the only parents he knew as a newborn baby, and put him in the hands of a young, single father who needed to nearly kill himself to give half a damn? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!
While I am sure most people would have found Aaron's story inspirational, my blood was boiling and I wanted to pinch Aaron's head off. Let's face it. In this case, Aaron was nothing more than a sperm donor who could produce children.Was it really in the best interest for him remove his child from a stable, loving, two-parent household who could have given Sebastian a wonderful life? No!!!
I wish that he understood one minuscule fraction of what a person like me any my husband have been through to have a child. The shots, the mood swings, the headaches, the feeling crappy - all to see it end in another heartbreaking scenario where the surgeon has to scrape my uterus, yet again...
Foster parents should have to take infertility sensitivity training - maybe then some of them would realize "It is all about the child."
Monday, January 10, 2011
Taking Care of Ourselves - Another Amazing Story!
Awhile ago, I connected with an IVF'er who was considering becoming a CCRM'er. She still had one frozen embryo left at her former clinic and her doctor at this clinic, as well as the Dr. she consulted with at CCRM both said that the chances were slim to none that an FET would work.
She pleaded with her current doctor to put her on an anthistamine protocol similar to the one I was on for my last cycle (1 10 mg Claritin tablet in the AM, 1 10 mg Prednisone tablet in the AM and 2 Pepcid AC tablets - one in the AM and one in the PM). He didn't want to do it, but she put herself on it anyway (not sure if she has the Prednisone, as that's a prescription drug). Low and behold, she's six weeks pregnant! I'm so happy for her!
Just wanted to share this exciting story...miracles do happen!
In other exciting news, our adoption application went into the mail today (along with a check for several-hundred dollars). It should be delivered tomorrow...
One more step forward! We're on our way!
She pleaded with her current doctor to put her on an anthistamine protocol similar to the one I was on for my last cycle (1 10 mg Claritin tablet in the AM, 1 10 mg Prednisone tablet in the AM and 2 Pepcid AC tablets - one in the AM and one in the PM). He didn't want to do it, but she put herself on it anyway (not sure if she has the Prednisone, as that's a prescription drug). Low and behold, she's six weeks pregnant! I'm so happy for her!
Just wanted to share this exciting story...miracles do happen!
In other exciting news, our adoption application went into the mail today (along with a check for several-hundred dollars). It should be delivered tomorrow...
One more step forward! We're on our way!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thank You to All My Crabs
Yesterday, I went to the gym and was reading a terrific book that was recommended to me by a friend for the New Year...
The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto.
So far, this book is unlike any other "diet" book I've ever read. It's as if it was written just for me...
I wouldn't even call it a diet book...
Basically, his premise is that you not only need to work on the physical, but you need to work on the root cause of why you think the way you do. One of my favorite quotes so far is something like this...
You can achieve your goals or make excuses, but you can't do both at the same time.
I understand these words are obvious, but to me, it was like a bolt of lightening. I've been repeating them to myself several times daily ever since I read them.
Yesterday, I was reading a section where he talks about sabotage and he relayed the following story:
One time a man was walking along the beach and say another man fishing in the surf with a bait bucket beside him. As he drew closer, he saw that the bait bucket had no lid and had live crabs inside.
"Why don't you cover your bait bucket so the crabs won't escape?", he said.
"You don't understand.", the man replied, "If there is one crab in the bucket it would surely crawl out very quickly. However, when there are many crabs in the bucket, if one tries to crawl up the side, the others grab hold of it and pull it back down so that it will share the same fate as the rest of them."
Instead of thinking about the crabs pulling me down, what came into my mind is all the wonderful women on the message boards and blogs who, knowing I have had trouble getting excited about this cycle, have been getting underneath me to lift me up and achieve our goal.
Today, I just wanted to say "Thank You"! :o)
Now, time to go to spin class...
The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto.
So far, this book is unlike any other "diet" book I've ever read. It's as if it was written just for me...
I wouldn't even call it a diet book...
Basically, his premise is that you not only need to work on the physical, but you need to work on the root cause of why you think the way you do. One of my favorite quotes so far is something like this...
You can achieve your goals or make excuses, but you can't do both at the same time.
I understand these words are obvious, but to me, it was like a bolt of lightening. I've been repeating them to myself several times daily ever since I read them.
Yesterday, I was reading a section where he talks about sabotage and he relayed the following story:
One time a man was walking along the beach and say another man fishing in the surf with a bait bucket beside him. As he drew closer, he saw that the bait bucket had no lid and had live crabs inside.
"Why don't you cover your bait bucket so the crabs won't escape?", he said.
"You don't understand.", the man replied, "If there is one crab in the bucket it would surely crawl out very quickly. However, when there are many crabs in the bucket, if one tries to crawl up the side, the others grab hold of it and pull it back down so that it will share the same fate as the rest of them."
Instead of thinking about the crabs pulling me down, what came into my mind is all the wonderful women on the message boards and blogs who, knowing I have had trouble getting excited about this cycle, have been getting underneath me to lift me up and achieve our goal.
Today, I just wanted to say "Thank You"! :o)
Now, time to go to spin class...
Friday, January 7, 2011
The First Day of Life!
In exactly two weeks from today, we will be PUPO!
I can't help but think that if this could happen naturally, our child's life would have started right around this moment...
Welcome to the first day of life - little, precious Quant! Hope you're all snuggly in the freezer and we'll finally get to hold you in our arms about 9 months from today!
PS - The money came through yesterday. Haven't heard an update on the status of my family memeber....hope he made it through the night (unless he's in pain and uncomfortable).
I can't help but think that if this could happen naturally, our child's life would have started right around this moment...
Welcome to the first day of life - little, precious Quant! Hope you're all snuggly in the freezer and we'll finally get to hold you in our arms about 9 months from today!
PS - The money came through yesterday. Haven't heard an update on the status of my family memeber....hope he made it through the night (unless he's in pain and uncomfortable).
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Finances - A Strange Turn of Events... (WARNING - IMPENDING DEATH MENTIONED)
As anyone who is going through IVF and / or adoption knows, the process requires you to write some of the largest checks you'll probably ever write in your life.
Imagine putting a good chunk of your life savings down on a single blackjack hand in Vegas - then mix in a variety of drugs that cause stress, headaches, exhaustion, cramps, etc. and you've got a glimpse into the life of an IVF patient. On the adoption side, picture fees you've paid to an attorney, fees you've paid to an agency, fees you've paid to support one or two birth parents through their pregnancy - both emotionally and financially - the baby is born, then suddenly, they change their minds. You just sit stunned as you watch thousands of your hard-earned dollars sink down the drain....
So far, we've received no help from family on the financial front. Like many couples who long for a child, we've had to make sacrifices to start or family.
Back in December, as we were experiencing our latest-and-greatest miscarriage, we finally asked a family member for help. At this time, we thought our best hope was using a surrogate - which could cost in the neighborhood of $80-100k if working domestically. We wrote this family member a candid letter explaining what we've been through and what it would take to move forward. This family member wrote us a check to help us realize our dream. Yes, the check was generous, but only a miniscule fraction of what we've invested in IVF already and what we'd need to invest in the future to move forward with a surrogate.
Yesterday, I get a call from my Mom explaining that this family member (who is in their 90's) has been ill and the family is finally trying to distribute some of the estate. However, the family member is on-the-mend and doing ok. Based on her message, it sounds like this distribution was a precautionary measure.
Today, I get a nasty-gram from Mom explaining the instructions my financial institution provided me yesterday were not clear enough and to please forward new instructions. So, I called my broker today to have him give her the information.
Long story, short - this family member is hours away from death and the transfer now has to happen immediately. If it doesn't happen before this family member passes, I will lose out.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us today...
PS - I hope you will not misunderstand my post and think all I care about is the money. I am very sorry to see this family member pass, it is the end of their generation.
This person lived a very long, happy, healthy and productive life and will be missed. My point in telling this story is that life has a strange way of working out and at this moment, it would be very disappointing if we didn't have this money to help us start our family because of the timing of one event before the other. This money could be put to such a wonderful use - a true living legacy.
Imagine putting a good chunk of your life savings down on a single blackjack hand in Vegas - then mix in a variety of drugs that cause stress, headaches, exhaustion, cramps, etc. and you've got a glimpse into the life of an IVF patient. On the adoption side, picture fees you've paid to an attorney, fees you've paid to an agency, fees you've paid to support one or two birth parents through their pregnancy - both emotionally and financially - the baby is born, then suddenly, they change their minds. You just sit stunned as you watch thousands of your hard-earned dollars sink down the drain....
So far, we've received no help from family on the financial front. Like many couples who long for a child, we've had to make sacrifices to start or family.
Back in December, as we were experiencing our latest-and-greatest miscarriage, we finally asked a family member for help. At this time, we thought our best hope was using a surrogate - which could cost in the neighborhood of $80-100k if working domestically. We wrote this family member a candid letter explaining what we've been through and what it would take to move forward. This family member wrote us a check to help us realize our dream. Yes, the check was generous, but only a miniscule fraction of what we've invested in IVF already and what we'd need to invest in the future to move forward with a surrogate.
Yesterday, I get a call from my Mom explaining that this family member (who is in their 90's) has been ill and the family is finally trying to distribute some of the estate. However, the family member is on-the-mend and doing ok. Based on her message, it sounds like this distribution was a precautionary measure.
Today, I get a nasty-gram from Mom explaining the instructions my financial institution provided me yesterday were not clear enough and to please forward new instructions. So, I called my broker today to have him give her the information.
Long story, short - this family member is hours away from death and the transfer now has to happen immediately. If it doesn't happen before this family member passes, I will lose out.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us today...
PS - I hope you will not misunderstand my post and think all I care about is the money. I am very sorry to see this family member pass, it is the end of their generation.
This person lived a very long, happy, healthy and productive life and will be missed. My point in telling this story is that life has a strange way of working out and at this moment, it would be very disappointing if we didn't have this money to help us start our family because of the timing of one event before the other. This money could be put to such a wonderful use - a true living legacy.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Life in Lupron Land...
Most IVF patients are put on Lupron at some point during their cycle. Lupron is a hormonal agent that significantly reduces estrogen levels. The medication works in two distinct phases. Phase one stimulates the ovaries causing them to produce more estradiol, the most potent of the three estrogens produced by women. In phase two, the messenger hormones that tell the ovaries to produce estrogen decline dramatically. The resulting drop in estrogen causes women to experience menopause-like side effects.
Last time, I was wired - couldn't sleep, had lots of energy (would go to bed around 9:30, be awake between 1-4 am and complete tasks around the house - then get up for work at 6 and feel wide-awake and refreshed). This time I'm having the complete opposite side effects...headaches that come suddenly and don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
Wonder if it had nothing to do with the Lupron, but more to do with the season (last time I was taking it was the middle of summer).
Who knows?
Either way, won't miss coming off the lupron in about 18 days!
Last time, I was wired - couldn't sleep, had lots of energy (would go to bed around 9:30, be awake between 1-4 am and complete tasks around the house - then get up for work at 6 and feel wide-awake and refreshed). This time I'm having the complete opposite side effects...headaches that come suddenly and don't want to get out of bed in the morning.
Wonder if it had nothing to do with the Lupron, but more to do with the season (last time I was taking it was the middle of summer).
Who knows?
Either way, won't miss coming off the lupron in about 18 days!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Something New...
The new year is all about trying new things, so today I did just that...
I took a photography class - something I've never done before. It was so much fun! Here are some of my favorite shots.
Enjoy!
I took a photography class - something I've never done before. It was so much fun! Here are some of my favorite shots.
Enjoy!
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Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Day, New Year, New Opportunitites! Let the Hormones Begin!
Happy 1.1.11 (hope all those 1's are lucky in a culture somewhere around the world)! I hope that 2011 is the year of opportunity and that me and my husband finally get to hold our new baby in our arms before this time next year!
Earlier this week, I got a new, sassy haircut (about 6" shorter, A-line), bought some new clothes, went to the gym a couple times and am ready to take on the New Year!
First thing this morning, I decreased my Lupron to 5 units, and stuck on my first Vivelle patch since October. Welcome back, old friend...the game has officially begun!
Yesterday, my good friend Deborah called just to say "hello". Even though we only met recently, it was like we knew one another for a long, long time and became instant friends. She lifted my spirits and sounded excited about the new year herself. She asked me what day our FET was and I told her Friday, January 21st. And she said, "that's a good day...it's my birthday! I'll definitely be thinking of you." What a thoughtful and caring person - so glad I have her in my life!
I picked the day because it was a Friday (so it would be easier to do bed rest on Saturday - my DH will be home) and it was the day we celebrated my grandfather's birthday (they don't actually know when he was born since they "lost" his birth certificate and think his parents switched his birthday so he could start school earlier),
He passed away several years ago, but lived a long and healthy life. His mind was sharp as a tack and he completed the New York Times Crossword Puzzle every week - even the week he passed. I have fond memories of him taking us deep-sea fishing on his friend's boat, going out to dinner and having brunch at my grandparents house at least twice a week, and sitting in his lap as he read me solve the "easy" clues in the Sunday crossword puzzle.
Today, I am going to work some more on our adoption profile book and try to complete the initial application so that we can begin to submit the paperwork this week. It's what I need right now to keep my mind off my FET.
Hopefully, both embryos will take, we will withdraw our application, be out a few thousand dollars and live life to the fullest with our twinkies. Or, one embryo will take and we will adopt simultaneously. My FET will not be successful, but the adoption will and we will still be holding our baby in our arms by this time next year (or very shortly thereafter). Whatever happens, sounds like a win-win to me!
If you can handle reading about a pregnancy announcement, this one is truly beautiful. It will make your heart smile.
http://wantedonegoodembryo.blogspot.com/2010/12/introducing-new-ccrmer-and-de.html
Earlier this week, I got a new, sassy haircut (about 6" shorter, A-line), bought some new clothes, went to the gym a couple times and am ready to take on the New Year!
First thing this morning, I decreased my Lupron to 5 units, and stuck on my first Vivelle patch since October. Welcome back, old friend...the game has officially begun!
Yesterday, my good friend Deborah called just to say "hello". Even though we only met recently, it was like we knew one another for a long, long time and became instant friends. She lifted my spirits and sounded excited about the new year herself. She asked me what day our FET was and I told her Friday, January 21st. And she said, "that's a good day...it's my birthday! I'll definitely be thinking of you." What a thoughtful and caring person - so glad I have her in my life!
I picked the day because it was a Friday (so it would be easier to do bed rest on Saturday - my DH will be home) and it was the day we celebrated my grandfather's birthday (they don't actually know when he was born since they "lost" his birth certificate and think his parents switched his birthday so he could start school earlier),
He passed away several years ago, but lived a long and healthy life. His mind was sharp as a tack and he completed the New York Times Crossword Puzzle every week - even the week he passed. I have fond memories of him taking us deep-sea fishing on his friend's boat, going out to dinner and having brunch at my grandparents house at least twice a week, and sitting in his lap as he read me solve the "easy" clues in the Sunday crossword puzzle.
 | |||
| The last picture I took of my grandparents |
Hopefully, both embryos will take, we will withdraw our application, be out a few thousand dollars and live life to the fullest with our twinkies. Or, one embryo will take and we will adopt simultaneously. My FET will not be successful, but the adoption will and we will still be holding our baby in our arms by this time next year (or very shortly thereafter). Whatever happens, sounds like a win-win to me!
If you can handle reading about a pregnancy announcement, this one is truly beautiful. It will make your heart smile.
http://wantedonegoodembryo.blogspot.com/2010/12/introducing-new-ccrmer-and-de.html