[I] was thinking about what you said, about how to choose the right family when donating the snowbabies, and I had an epiphany this morning. I realized that no one asked whether my DH and I were the perfect family to donate [eggs] to. Our angel of a donor did it because she just assumed we were. And our doctor got me pregnant because he assumed that we are good people. No one made me fill out a form or prove my worthiness. And so I've decided to adopt that attitude and give to the universe that if people are seeking to have a child this badly, just as we were, then they are just as perfect to receive my gift as I was to receive some one else's.
She is absolutely right and I hope that if any of you are on the fence about embryo donation, you will remember these words, because I can't think of a better gift you can give in your lifetime.
I have always been a logical person who sees most things in black-and-white - not generally shades of gray. I do my due-dilligence before making an important decision, such as comparing features, benefits and prices before making a major purchase or thoroughly vetting a potential candidate prior to hiring.
In the IVF world, one of the things I found most frustrating as a patient was the uncertainity and loss of control. In so many areas of my life, such as my career, I could do things to affect the outcome, such as go back to school to get a degree or volunteer to work on a challenging project that would offer me a learning opportunity. While undergoing IVF treatments, I could do things like make the decision to use donor eggs which upped my success statistics from 10%-15% to 85%-95% , eat better, take my drugs and undergo accupuncture treatments (which I abandoned on our last cycle - the one that finally succeeded), but ultimately I came to understand that nothing I could control would or could guarantee a successful outcome.
In other words, I had to reach deep down into my soul and have faith...
Faith in a stranger who became our donor.
Faith that the process does work - most times.
Faith in the drugs.
Faith in my doctors.
Faith in my husband.
The list could go on and on...
If we were going to have two girls, Faith was our choice for a second girl's name because:
- We wanted names that started with "F" and "G" to name the babies after special people in our lives and we already had our "G" name chosen.
- It would have been a daily reminder to us that we had to abandon logic and believe in a bit of magic to create these miraculous children
Yes, there is still a certain amount of faith required when giving such an important gift, but I know in my heart that they are going to make WONDERFUL parents and we are overjoyed about our decision.
6 comments:
Flygirl - That is a beautiful perspective and I can't imagine the joy your gift will provide for this couple. We have leftover embryos too, so your post provides alot of food for thought.
That's great news - that you chose a family - amazing gift!
Wow!! My heart is filled with such joy just reading this!! Do you believe you will keep in contact with this couple over the years? Do you get to follow along the FET process and hear if they become pregnant or give birth? There are no words to describe your generosity to this couple...hugs!!
Turtle - I love the idea that you would consider doing the same. It's unfortunate that so few couples would consider this option, but I can understand it isn't right for everyone.
Jen - thanks for your comment. You made me smile!
Lisa - We are fortunate that right now the family feels the same way we do - that they would like to keep in touch. Ultimately, I have this fantasy that over the years we would develop a close relationship with them and vice-versa, but only time will tell. The way I see it, the more people who love all the kids, the better. I guess that's why I don't get upset when one of my good friends or our nanny refers to them as "our kids." in fact, many times I am honored, deeply touched and stunned by how strongly our friends care for our kids.
It is also important to clarify that we clearly understand we are fully relinquishing rights to the embryos and we have no disillusions about thinking we are or ever will be the parents to any children born from these embryos. We are simply a couple who were fortunate to be given an amazing gift ourselves - a cycle so successful that few IVF couples ever get to have so many embryos to donate - and our incredible son and daughter.
Wonderful news Flygirl. How amazing you must feel to have given the gift of hope, and very possibly life and family. So very happy for you, and them.
What a wonderful gift!! We have only one CCS normal embryo left and we are really struggling on the decision of what to do. If we had more than one... then we'd probably donate because we don't think we can manage 5+ kids. And I know many of you have TONS of frosties which would be impossible to use them all!! We can't handle twins again either! Since it is only one left we feel like we could handle one more kid! (it's crazy to even be in this dilemma after years of infertility!!). But when I look and our twins (2 of our 3 CCS normals) I think of our one left. We could donate him/her... but since she/he has no potential sibling... I feel bad just leaving him/her out...like he/she belongs with us. My husband keeps reminding me this embryo in the freezer is just 2 weeks away from a heartbeat. My heart aches to not give it life either by donation or to us. (not sure if we'd be able to donate just one CCS normal... I know CCRM has more strict criteria). We haven't decided what to do. And we could attempt an FET and it could not work.... but it's a high quality 5 day old CCS normal embryo... and I'm sure it has a VERY good chance. Thankfully, we don't have to decide just now. We have some time. I may come to you later on for donating questions if that's what we decide to do or consider doing. If we do donate... I know it will be the most wonderful gift we could give.. I'm so glad you found a family for your precious frosties!!
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