As anyone who is going through IVF and / or adoption knows, the process requires you to write some of the largest checks you'll probably ever write in your life.
Imagine putting a good chunk of your life savings down on a single blackjack hand in Vegas - then mix in a variety of drugs that cause stress, headaches, exhaustion, cramps, etc. and you've got a glimpse into the life of an IVF patient. On the adoption side, picture fees you've paid to an attorney, fees you've paid to an agency, fees you've paid to support one or two birth parents through their pregnancy - both emotionally and financially - the baby is born, then suddenly, they change their minds. You just sit stunned as you watch thousands of your hard-earned dollars sink down the drain....
So far, we've received no help from family on the financial front. Like many couples who long for a child, we've had to make sacrifices to start or family.
Back in December, as we were experiencing our latest-and-greatest miscarriage, we finally asked a family member for help. At this time, we thought our best hope was using a surrogate - which could cost in the neighborhood of $80-100k if working domestically. We wrote this family member a candid letter explaining what we've been through and what it would take to move forward. This family member wrote us a check to help us realize our dream. Yes, the check was generous, but only a miniscule fraction of what we've invested in IVF already and what we'd need to invest in the future to move forward with a surrogate.
Yesterday, I get a call from my Mom explaining that this family member (who is in their 90's) has been ill and the family is finally trying to distribute some of the estate. However, the family member is on-the-mend and doing ok. Based on her message, it sounds like this distribution was a precautionary measure.
Today, I get a nasty-gram from Mom explaining the instructions my financial institution provided me yesterday were not clear enough and to please forward new instructions. So, I called my broker today to have him give her the information.
Long story, short - this family member is hours away from death and the transfer now has to happen immediately. If it doesn't happen before this family member passes, I will lose out.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us today...
PS - I hope you will not misunderstand my post and think all I care about is the money. I am very sorry to see this family member pass, it is the end of their generation.
This person lived a very long, happy, healthy and productive life and will be missed. My point in telling this story is that life has a strange way of working out and at this moment, it would be very disappointing if we didn't have this money to help us start our family because of the timing of one event before the other. This money could be put to such a wonderful use - a true living legacy.
2 comments:
Totally hear ya...so hoping that the money gets through in time to provide that living legacy they wished to be a part of. Hugs for your impending loss.
this is tough, many emotions, but they are two separate things. on one side, you have to mourn the loss of that family member, but on the other side, the financial opportunity may help open the doors for you to create your family. i cannot really think of a better cause. hope your fet prep is going well! fingers are crossed for you!
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