Thank you for your congratulations and for being happy for us. We are pretty excited too, but I would like to begin to set the record straight and describe where my head is right now - especially now that we've been living with this for a few days.
Yes, we implanted three and realized we were "playing with fire," but after being infertile for 5 years, going through 4 medicated IUIs and 3 prior DE IVFs where we implanted 7 DE embryos (not including this cycle) from 3 different donors (plus the numerous D&C and polyp removal surgeries), and still not getting past the first u/s, the fact that all three took is a bit astonishing.
I won't deny it and say we didn't realize this was a possibility, but in our minds the risk was one my DH and I, together with the advice of our doctor, decided to take.
The last thing in the world we would want to do is to put my health of the health of our unborn children at risk in any way. As many of you know, the risks of a triplet vs twin pregnancy is substantially higher. This is even further compounded by my advanced maternal age.
We are already in our early 40's and this was it...my DH and I strongly agreed going into this cycle that:
1. If we m/c early or failed again, which in our minds was a very real possibility, we were not going to repeat this process - unless there was a definite reason, such as an ectopic.
2. Despite if it failed or succeeded - and no matter how many (if any) embryos took, we were not going to repeat this process when I am 44 and he is 47.
3. If it didn't work this time, we were going to move on to adoption. As many of you know, we started this process in January and recently became approved to be shown to perspective birth mothers.
I am waiting to see if the current situation will naturally change over the next few weeks, but if it doesn't, my DH and I expect that we are going to be facing an extremely difficult decision.
I understand some of you will be upset by this message and think that we are selfish and irresponsible, but the sad, simple truth is that IVF is expensive and takes an extreme toll on my body. We've failed several times before and together decided to take this risk when we did our transfer. It was not a decision we took lightly. In fact, if you look back at my posts in early March, you'll see me stressing and getting cold feet. If we had a crystal ball, we likely would have made a different decision, but all we had was our past experience and a process that has "no guarantees."
I also respect that some people believe that having three with heartbeats is a gift from G-D or some other universal source, but this is also a gift of modern medical science. Without a generous donor, an amazing team of medical professionals, and the wonders of modern drugs, there's no way my uterus would be hosting three beautiful, wonderful, amazing fetuses.
I also want to clarify that if we are forced to make a decision, it is in NO WAY (nor will it ever become) a gender selection issue. All my DH and I ever wanted throughout this journey is to further deepen our already very strong relationship by becoming parents and raising children together.
To those of you starting or who are already in cycle, I have been where you are before and think I understand your pain and heartbreak. I wish there was a way I could take it all away. I hope, more than anything, you all achieve your dream.
Thanks for hearing me out...and I hope you can find it in your heart to be as supportive as you've all always been throughout this process.
8 comments:
No judgement whats so ever from me Flygirl. The decision on how many to transfer is extremely personal and highly dependant on past experiences. All I could wish for is for a healthy Flygirl and healthy babies. I wish so badly that you did not have to make this decision after all you have gone through but it is what it is and you will fight through this with your trademark - grace.
I have never commented before but feel the need to now. There is no way that I could ever judge you for making such a personal and heartbreaking decision about your own body and what is best for you and your body and family. As one women to another, my job is too support you through this time,
No judgement here. Let me know if you want to talk. swak50@hotmail.com
I agree with everyone else so far - no one has a right to judge you. It is a very personal and difficult decision and only you know what's right for you. I sincerely hope no one would ever judge you for that and if they do...well - people should very careful about casting judgement - that's all I'll say on that. Take care and I wish you peace in whatever you decide should you have to make that very, very difficult decision.
The ups and downs of life, why can the path not be smoother? I think that there is no doubt that you have to make the decision that is best for your Whole family. No one should ever allow them self to judge you, as they cannot feel what its like to walk in your shoes. I am just so sorry that you have to go through this added stress. Thinking of you.
Thanks for all your support, care and kindness. I appreciate your comments.
I have been thinking of you for two days since reading this. You are in a heartbreaking position. I hope nature makes this decision for you. If not, may you be gifted with the courage and wisdom to make it on your own. Thinking of you.
Flygirl - I can imagine what you are going through now. I have a UU, so anything over one in me would be extremely bad. I've done what I can on transferring only one CCS normal at a time, and in the beginning at my local RE I only trasferred one in three different cycles putting me at a significant disadvantage, but giving me comfort, but then for my two ZIFT procedures at CCRM I transferred two untested ones, and then three, taking that risk. I had words in my mind from my local RE...he said that he's seen it not work several times then bam, but it's hard to really hear that after failures. It's such a tough decision balancing potential for success against too much success. You had all the reason to think that with your previous failures that transferring more than one wouldn't be that much of a risk. I guess you just never know. I hope that you and DH can feel comfortable with where you are and where you are going with this pregnancy and that all the best comes to you guys!
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